Remembering Phillip Patterson - A Graceful Man

My uncle, Phillip Patterson, passed away in August. The internet may remember him from his project, The Serenity of Knowing, in which he copied and bound the entire King James Version of the Bible by hand during the last few years of his life. This weekend my husband, children and I were supposed to travel to rural New York for his memorial service. Sadly, the pain and passion of another man who in his distress set fire to the air traffic control station in Aurora, IL, made it impossible for us to attend the service.

I was stuck in the Midwest, removed from my family, unsure of how to mourn my uncle in a way that was both specific and meaningful. And so my husband and I dressed in out finest clothes and went to the most elegant lounge we could find. This may seem odd to some of you, but the people who knew him would understand. Uncle Phillip was the most elegant person I have had the privilege to know. His elegance went beyond dress and good manners, though those were certainly a part of it. Uncle Phillip brought every gathering up a notch just by being there. The way he would sit on a chair, hand draped across his knee or the armrest, telling a story in his magnificent mellifluous voice, drew everyone into the light of his aura. When he was there we all felt elegant.

And isn't that the essence of grace, to make us all feel a little special and included, without putting anyone down or leaving anyone out?

I was not thinking of my uncle when I called this project I started Grace Among Mortals. But I should have. The graceful way he handled his illness was both an example of how we all can be and a gentle reminder of our mortality.

Grace, apparently, is no easy thing for me to notice as it is happening. I have spent this past week becoming aware of the little things people do to make life easier for others after the fact, when the moment is gone and offering them a card of thanks is no longer an option. And yet, I seemed well aware of every person who through their words and actions made daily life just a little bit harder for others. I don't think I am the only one who struggles to see everyday goodness.

It became apparent this week that negative emotions and behavior spreads more quickly than joy or peace. I saw several examples of one person's bad mood ruining a group but no example of a simple kindness creating a wellspring of goodwill. Is this a part of the human condition? Are we wired to be aware of potential threats to protect us from the myriad dangers of the world? Or is this a societal problem? Perhaps each of us is just as capable of tuning in to the good things in life but have made the collective choice to focus on the bad.

As for my progress on giving out my cute little cards, I gave one to the awesome guy who helped me put together a new computer that perfectly met my needs while staying under budget, one to a friend who is really good to all of his friends, and failed to give one to a woman at work who brought up a problem early on before it became a big deal. I am not comfortable giving things to strangers. Oh, and I have one waiting for my husband. He was super sweet yesterday when I was feeling blue.

Looking for Grace Among Mortals

We mortals are a clumsy lot, tripping and tumbling through life, bruising ourselves and others along the way. It's not that we mean to do harm, we just respond to our circumstances without always seeing the bigger picture. But every day each of us witnesses true grace; we only have to open our eyes to it. People all around us are, through their words and actions, preventing the bumps and bruises of life, physical and psychological, from occurring.

I would like to learn to navigate the world more gracefully. As all true learning begins with observation, I am going to spend the next year seeking out moments of grace. In order to remain focused I have made this a two part project. First, I am going to tell someone each day that I appreciate the grace with which they navigate the world. In order to keep from interfering in their lives I have had business cards made up for the purpose. Secondly, I am going to share my experiences of each week here every Sunday.

I'd like to start by sharing a story that took place a few years ago...

An older gentleman of limited capacity was enjoying an outdoor concert. He danced right up front with all the children. Someone put a belt around his neck, not tight enough to cause any harm, so the children could lead him around the dance area. Though it hurt my heart to witness this, everyone seemed to be having a grand time and I could see no way to interfere on behalf of the man's dignity. But one person quietly objected. When his children joined in the game, he took them aside and explained that it was not kind to treat people that way.

For my first appreciation I tell that man,

Thank you for teaching your children to respect the humanity on all people.