Thanksgiving Grace

I am thankful that my need for food, shelter, safety and love are so completely met that if I were to complain about anything I could only end up sounding petty.

A woman recently moved to my city because her car was totaled in an accident and, with no money to replace it, she had to be in a place with a bus system. This occurred shortly after the death of her husband. Far from family and friends, she found a church that had beautiful stained glass windows and started attending, choosing to sit beneath her favorite picture each week. Unbeknownst to her, her mother in law contacted the church and told them that she would be alone for Thanksgiving this year. A member of the church invited her to share their meal.

How many of us have invited complete strangers into our home? How many of us speak to people with stories that differ significantly from our own? So many of us rely on others to do the hard work of serving. We donate money and feel grateful that others have the time to do it. But it does not take time, or even money. It is simply a matter of being open to the needs of the people in our community and not being afraid.

I challenge you today, while you can still remember all you have to be grateful for, to open yourself up to helping a stranger at least once before spring. Anonymous donations won't do. You have to put yourself out there and speak to people. Listen to their story and tell them yours. Give of yourself in a way that cannot be reimbursed on your taxes. I get tired of all these acts of trust and kindness coming from churches. We should be able to do this regardless of our faith or affiliation. We do not need the sanction of an organization to be compassionate members of our community.

Share your stories with me. Just be careful to protect the people in them.

The Grace of Getting a Second Chance

We have all made mistakes in our lives, bad ones that have harmed others. Each of us has a secret place where we keep the memory, wishing we could erase it. But every once in a while it comes out and we feel guilt or shame or sorrow at our actions. Perhaps we comfort ourselves by knowing that we didn't do anything that bad. We never killed anyone, or raped anyone, or committed any other heinous and unforgivable act. Of course, chances are someone reading this has done one of those things. It is likely that everyone reading this knows someone, a neighbor or coworker or regular acquaintance, who has done something that you would find difficult, if not impossible, to accept if you knew.

People can change. Even those who have committed atrocities can change. Still, it is hard to know who has really gone through a personal transformation, no longer resembling the person they once were, and who is putting on a really good show. It's hard enough to know that about ourselves. So we protect ourselves by not taking chances. We don't let anyone in if we know they have done something like that. And "those people" are marginalized.

I know one of "those people." He did some pretty awful things in his past. But this week he was given a chance. This week someone who knew his story decided to give him a temporary job, and is willing to consider making it permanent should things work out. The person I know will start earning a paycheck and paying taxes and more fully participating in our society. In doing so he will build hope, not only for himself, but for others he knows in a similar situation. Who knows where the ripples will go from there. Because the people who take the most desperate actions are often those who have no hope.

Not all of us are willing to take such chances. We can call it fear or we can call it common sense. Whatever we call it, we should be grateful to those among us who show the grace needed to look beyond a person's past and consider their future.

Grace on the Internet?

This week I would like to share something unexpected and wonderful that happened. Perhaps it has always been there and I am just this moment starting to notice it. It can be hard to look past the incessant bickering about who got their information from a better source than whom. But over the past week I have noticed a significant increase in people sending friendly, caring, even loving messages to other people over the internet.

Maybe it started with the folks who sent facebook flowers to each other in order to increase the number of happy posts and decrease the amount of suck. If so, good on you whoever thought up that one. But if that was the catalyst, it sure didn't stop there. I have seen friends and family send each other loving messages and poetry, quoted and original. I have seen pleasant blog and vlog posts with kind and supportive comments. I have even witnessed intelligent arguments about issue that people hold dear that didn't devolve into name calling and bickering.

Is the internet growing up? Are its denizens learning that it is possible to think of others rather than whine for what they want? If so, I don't expect it to endure. Growing up is a long slow process with great leaps forward that are often followed by periods of regression. Anyone who has raised children can attest to this. But the idea makes sense. Google recently turned 14. MySpace was started about 11 years ago. If you consider these dates as relevant in birthing the internet as we currently understand it, we are just getting to the point as a community when we start looking beyond ourselves and consider that others exist as more than a backdrop to our own lives.

I'm proud of you this week internet. I hope you can figure out a way to make this last. That doesn't mean you won't backslide. I know there will be times when you can't help but troll the world like the massive and ubiquitous grumpy cat you are. But I know you can be better than that and I hope to see it again soon.

Love,

Christine

Grace Between Mothers

Being homeless sucks. I know this first hand. Being homeless with winter approaching is even worse. I cannot even imagine being homeless with winter approaching while trying to raise children. But tonight at the shelter where my family volunteers, three families checked in. This is a huge number for a church gathering room with 30 mattresses on the floor. One of the mothers and her three children were there for the first time. This means there is a lot of paperwork to fill out along with a lot of very personal questions to answer all in a room where folks are eating, watching television and just hanging out. It could have been a nightmare for this mother who as of tonight had no where else to go.

I don't know about shelters in any place other than my own home town, but the impermanent situation we have, that travels from church basement to church basement each night, is made up of people who have formed into a family. So while the new woman sat in a corner with an intake worker, she did not have to worry about her children. One of the other mothers oversaw all of the children as they made up their mattresses and prepared for bed. Another woman, whose kids are now grown, took care of the baby, rocking her and talking to her and keeping her happy the whole time the mother filled out the paperwork.

We have all heard the adage, it takes a village to raise a child. But all too often we do not allow that village in. We are afraid of how others may harm our children. Or we are resentful when they point out an error in their behavior. Therefore we hesitate to reach out to others, not offering assistance to the parent who could use some help. Not speaking up when we believe there is a problem. Parenting is hard and we all seem to notice the judgement and eschew the help. Tonight I saw a mother in need and I saw a village come together to support her. Those children have a safe place to sleep tonight, surrounded by people who care for them. I hope it won't be too long before they find a home.


By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
John 13:35

A Lovely Cup of Coffee

Actually it wasn't coffee. I don't drink coffee. I find the taste unpleasant and don't need the caffeine to function. In fact, caffeine makes me so jittery that I can hardly do anything useful. But that is besides the point.

I love to read and sometimes the hubby and I take a trip to Barnes and Noble to browse for new books and a snack at Starbucks. One of our first dates involved Barnes and Noble, cake and a Fox Trot compilation. Autumn is my favorite time to go because they have hot apple cider with caramel which is super yummy.

There is something special at the Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble near my home town. Actually, someone. One of the employees, the one I see most often, makes each visit a delight. It would be inaccurate to say that he goes above and beyond the call of duty; most transactions are routine and he would seem false in doing so. He simply goes about his job knowing that it makes a difference and seeks to give each customer the best coffee (or not coffee) buying experience he can.

We live in a society rich with hyperbole. People seek to make a difference doing great deeds with meaningful foundations. Making a difference means changing the world. But that is not always the way of things. Mother Theresa had so much to say on the importance of small kindnesses that I can't chose a single quote. Crowley, the fallen angel in Good Omens, the brilliant story by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, tied up all the phone lines in central London one lunch time knowing the frustration it would cause would do more to serve the forces of evil than some grand scheme.

I don't mean to turn a genuine smile and caring tone accompanied by first rate customer service into some great spiritual exercise. But grace in all things does make us all a little happier and a little more likely to spread that happiness to the next person we see.

So if you are ever in Racine, WI, go to the Barnes and Noble and order a coffee.

Travelling Gracefully

I know I haven't posted anything in a month. I am going to make up for it with several consecutive posts. The most recent one first...

No one who knows me would describe me as brave. I am comfortable living in relative safety and feel no need to overcome my fears. But sometimes I have to put family before phobia and do something I would usually avoid. In that spirit I packed the kids in the car and drove halfway across the country to  my cousin's wedding.

It was a beautiful celebration of family and friendship and love. When the vows were said and the newly joined couple presented, the joy on my cousin's face reminded me of how I felt at that same moment over 15 years ago. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

As someone who sees every extended car trip as an opportunity to die in a fiery wreck, arriving safely and sanely seemed far from guaranteed. Help came from an unexpected source. To the civil engineers who designed Ohio's interstates and the predictable and considerate drivers on the turnpike, thank you. For a few hours I was able to relax and sing along with my kids in the car, becoming an unlikely fan of the band Black Veil Brides*. I think I need to plan a trip to see more of Ohio.

I'm sure many readers (all both of you) will find me either banal or facetious in thanking Ohio for the grace it showed the weekend of my cousin's wedding. I assure you it is neither. Often the little things have a big impact on how we face the world. The peace I felt in Ohio made it possible for me to enjoy one of the best weekends in recent memory.

Congratulations cousins! May the joy of your wedding day follow you all the days of your life.



*Wikipedia just told me that Andy Biersack, the lead singer of Black Veil Brides, is from Ohio.
**In case it crossed anyone's mind, hubby couldn't drive with me because he was at his nieces wedding on the same day. When he saw how happy she was it reminded him of our own wedding day. Even halfway across the country we were thinking the same thoughts.

Remembering Phillip Patterson - A Graceful Man

My uncle, Phillip Patterson, passed away in August. The internet may remember him from his project, The Serenity of Knowing, in which he copied and bound the entire King James Version of the Bible by hand during the last few years of his life. This weekend my husband, children and I were supposed to travel to rural New York for his memorial service. Sadly, the pain and passion of another man who in his distress set fire to the air traffic control station in Aurora, IL, made it impossible for us to attend the service.

I was stuck in the Midwest, removed from my family, unsure of how to mourn my uncle in a way that was both specific and meaningful. And so my husband and I dressed in out finest clothes and went to the most elegant lounge we could find. This may seem odd to some of you, but the people who knew him would understand. Uncle Phillip was the most elegant person I have had the privilege to know. His elegance went beyond dress and good manners, though those were certainly a part of it. Uncle Phillip brought every gathering up a notch just by being there. The way he would sit on a chair, hand draped across his knee or the armrest, telling a story in his magnificent mellifluous voice, drew everyone into the light of his aura. When he was there we all felt elegant.

And isn't that the essence of grace, to make us all feel a little special and included, without putting anyone down or leaving anyone out?

I was not thinking of my uncle when I called this project I started Grace Among Mortals. But I should have. The graceful way he handled his illness was both an example of how we all can be and a gentle reminder of our mortality.

Grace, apparently, is no easy thing for me to notice as it is happening. I have spent this past week becoming aware of the little things people do to make life easier for others after the fact, when the moment is gone and offering them a card of thanks is no longer an option. And yet, I seemed well aware of every person who through their words and actions made daily life just a little bit harder for others. I don't think I am the only one who struggles to see everyday goodness.

It became apparent this week that negative emotions and behavior spreads more quickly than joy or peace. I saw several examples of one person's bad mood ruining a group but no example of a simple kindness creating a wellspring of goodwill. Is this a part of the human condition? Are we wired to be aware of potential threats to protect us from the myriad dangers of the world? Or is this a societal problem? Perhaps each of us is just as capable of tuning in to the good things in life but have made the collective choice to focus on the bad.

As for my progress on giving out my cute little cards, I gave one to the awesome guy who helped me put together a new computer that perfectly met my needs while staying under budget, one to a friend who is really good to all of his friends, and failed to give one to a woman at work who brought up a problem early on before it became a big deal. I am not comfortable giving things to strangers. Oh, and I have one waiting for my husband. He was super sweet yesterday when I was feeling blue.

Looking for Grace Among Mortals

We mortals are a clumsy lot, tripping and tumbling through life, bruising ourselves and others along the way. It's not that we mean to do harm, we just respond to our circumstances without always seeing the bigger picture. But every day each of us witnesses true grace; we only have to open our eyes to it. People all around us are, through their words and actions, preventing the bumps and bruises of life, physical and psychological, from occurring.

I would like to learn to navigate the world more gracefully. As all true learning begins with observation, I am going to spend the next year seeking out moments of grace. In order to remain focused I have made this a two part project. First, I am going to tell someone each day that I appreciate the grace with which they navigate the world. In order to keep from interfering in their lives I have had business cards made up for the purpose. Secondly, I am going to share my experiences of each week here every Sunday.

I'd like to start by sharing a story that took place a few years ago...

An older gentleman of limited capacity was enjoying an outdoor concert. He danced right up front with all the children. Someone put a belt around his neck, not tight enough to cause any harm, so the children could lead him around the dance area. Though it hurt my heart to witness this, everyone seemed to be having a grand time and I could see no way to interfere on behalf of the man's dignity. But one person quietly objected. When his children joined in the game, he took them aside and explained that it was not kind to treat people that way.

For my first appreciation I tell that man,

Thank you for teaching your children to respect the humanity on all people.